When & If – Two Dangerous Traps

Yesterday, I had lunch with my friend and former colleague. We began sharing how we similarly felt uncomfortable hosting large crowds of people within our homes. And, even more accurately, how we preferred only certain people or family to join us.

For me, I subconsciously tell myself, “When we have our dream house…” What I’m really saying here is that the layout is not my favorite, there’s not room for large crowds and I fear being judged. That last one is the real root of the whole thing.

I recall being 15 years old and wanting contact lenses so badly. I don’t know why, but I thought wearing prescription glasses was just not cool. I even sometimes would opt not to see clearly over wearing my glasses. What stupidity and insecurity I had!

So, we find two scenarios here. The first one is a “when”.

When I lose 20 lbs I’ll be able to run that 5k.

When I have that dream home with the spacious open floor plan I can feel comfortable inviting others over.

When I find Mr. Right, life will be right.

And, the second is an “if”.

If I can just get contacts, then I’ll feel cool and life will be good.

If I can just get that promotion, I’ll finally prove my worth in the company and people will respect me.

If I can just do something in addition to being a stay at home mom, because sometimes that just seems to sound shallow and fall short.

These are both hazardous thought processes. ‘When’ causes us to miss present opportunities. Life passes by waiting for this elusive ‘when’ which doesn’t really exist. It’s a convenient excuse to miss living in the now.

‘If’ fares no better. We wait for a time that never comes. Oh sure, we may get the contact lenses and experience a short lived surge of belonging, or receive the job promotion and gain a sense of accomplishment, but the problem is they don’t last. Another ‘if’ will be following closely behind and will keep us from experiencing true joy and happiness in the now.

We see that both ‘if’ and ‘when’ are close cousins with damaging effects.

Success is not measured in the ways we often think it is or should be. It’s not about your material possessions, work achievements or money in the bank. No. Success runs much deeper than this and affects the intangibles. Things such as how well you loved, how you shared, and how you helped. It can often be hard to measure these more elusive items as we sometimes cannot see their stretch, but it is in these that we make the most impact.

I’m currently learning the true meaning of success and I pray we can all grasp it sooner than later. Not only will we have a more fulfilling life on a personal level, but we can better affect others in a positive way. 🙂

It all goes back to identity as well. When we realize Whose we are and that no on else ‘s approval really matters, we can begin to truly live authentically. And living under our true identity can be life changing, and not just for us! It’s a win-win all around. Plus, trying to play a part and act like another will just become exhausting.

Artificial things may look pretty and play the part well, but at the end of the day they are not a replacement for the original. Ever try Coke Zero? It just ain’t the “real thing”. Case closed.

Father, please let us know how much You love and care for us. Let us understand our identity comes from you and not from people or things. And let us grow comfortable in our own skin and not fall into the traps of ‘when’ and ‘if’. Amen.

Colossians 2:7 “Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” NLT